margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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