Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
