now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
