You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
