What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
