My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
