He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
