It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
