My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
