I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
