last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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