I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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