i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
