Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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