hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
