I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize