I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
