I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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