I wish I could teleport
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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