How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
