Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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