Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
