the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
