Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize