just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
