Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
