So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
