You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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