was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
