If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
