Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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