when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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