Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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