i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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