ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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