I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
