All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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