i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
