i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
