i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
