just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
