Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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