dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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