he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
