i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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