your parents love me but you hate me
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
