Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
