you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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