Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
