I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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