That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
