after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize