If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
