would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize