i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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