I think i peed on brittanys purse
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
