I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
