I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
