i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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