I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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