i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
