we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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