why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize