Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
