3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
