Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
