You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
