You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
