i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
