I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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