Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
