he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Of course I have a pirate flag
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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