please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
