If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was born a porn star she said
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
