4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
