tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
