I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize